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lukeandmaraTitle: Where I’m Meant to Be
Author: ginchy
Disclaimer: I don’t own Luke or Mara, or any of the situations. Just letting my favorite characters have some much deserved fun.
Rating: NC-17
Time Period: AU NR
Genre: Romance, First Person POV
Notes: This is an authorized ginchy-shine of JediMara77’s "I, Mara Jade". This is an AU of chapter 18, where L/M do more than just dance together at the ball. The first lines (in italics) are JM77's.
"Why do you care, anyway?" Luke snaps, even angrier than before. "You're not there. You left."
"Yeah, I did," I sigh. "That doesn't mean that I don't care about what you're doing with the Jedi Order."
"Could have fooled me," Luke says, and I have to keep myself from cringing at him. I don’t feel like doing this with him, not now. I break from his embrace and walk from the dance floor, but of course he follows me.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” I say coolly over my shoulder.
“That was never my intention. I apologize.” He looks so sincere that I can’t help but smile. The couples are still swaying on the floor around us and suddenly all I want is a moment away from the crowd. I haven’t seen Luke in so long and can’t let him have the wrong idea, but being in his arms again just now felt so good, I’m not ready to leave him just yet.
“Do you want to go out on the balcony?” he asks me then, cutting into my thoughts and it’s almost as if he’s read my mind. I stare at him, trying to discern if perhaps he actually has read my thoughts but shrug, knowing that I’ll never know if he did or not.
“Sure, Skywalker,” I say, ignoring the butterflies suddenly fluttering in my stomach. “Let’s go.”
*
Luke slipped out the double balcony doors before me while I took the long way around to another set of doors, in order to keep an eye on Karrde and Leia. I don’t want either of them to see me. I’m only going out on the balcony to talk to Luke, but still—I don’t want to deal with any annoying ‘knowing’ gazes or heated looks of disgust.
He’s leaning against the ledge when I come out, staring up at the passing speeders in the distance. Night has fallen and tiny lights twinkle in the decorative shrubbery around us, hidden speakers piping out a softened tone of the melody that plays inside. We’re surprisingly alone out here, but it probably won’t last for long.
I stand near him and mimic his pose, leaning against the stone and turning to look at him. He looks wonderful in profile and I find myself assaulted with images of our lone night together, how his face had contorted with pleasure when I had kissed my way down his body, the small groans of pleasure that had puffed out of his lips when I had wrapped my hand around his erection for the first time. I bite my lip to keep an excited breath from escaping. Even after all these months the thought of that night incites me to shiver and plays over the backs of my eyelids nightly.
I find myself wondering if he remembers the night as I do.
His eyes turn and meet mine then and something electric sparks between us, without even a touch. He steps closer to me until there is only a hands-breadth between us, but I don’t move back as his scent washes over me and I am again reminded of clutching his back and moaning into his ear as he pushed fervently into me. I’ve missed more than his love, friendship, and personality over this past year, I have also missed the body that I so briefly got to know. I find that I can’t quite remember the shape of his navel or the taste of the inside of his thigh and shake my head at the fanciful thoughts.
I’m not worthy of his love and I have to remember that.
“I’ve rehearsed this moment many times in my head,” he says, breaking the silence that has built between us. I give him a questioning look even though I know where he’s headed with this. “Rehearsed what I would say to you, ask of you, if we met up tonight. I wanted to seem detached, unhurt by your leaving. I didn’t want to ply you with questions and scare you off.”
“And now--?”
He sighs. “And now—none of it matters.” His hand comes up to cup my face and I stare at him, shocked that he is doing this. “I miss you, Mara. So much.”
Part of me wants nothing more than to tell him how much I’ve missed him, too, but I have my resolve and I cannot let it break. He’s better off without me, even if he doesn’t realize it. But I don’t want to hurt him any more than he’s already hurting. Damn the man for putting me in this situation and for staring at me with captivating blue eyes that make me want things I can’t have.
“It’s better this way.” I force myself to move back, feeling bereft of the warmth of his hand as the wind passes over my cheek.
“Why?”
He asks the question so quietly that for a moment I think imagine it. Why did I leave? Why is it better? I can’t tell him these things. Deep down he already knows the answer to his question.
“I told you why when I left,” I say instead, and those things had been partially true. I wasn’t advancing as I wanted to because I didn’t feel I deserved to be a Jedi. Being a Jedi and being with Luke, those two things go hand in hand. I can’t have one without the other.
“You told me a lie,” he says, advancing on me again. I look toward the balcony doors, wondering why no one else has come out to join us yet. It’s just my luck that tonight everyone decides the ballroom is the place to be.
“I did not lie to you,” I say automatically. I omitted.
“You did,” he says, invading my personal space again. “I’ve been thinking about it, Mara, and I know why you left…. And why you won’t come back.”
I glare up at him. “If you know so much, Master Jedi, why can’t you figure out how to run your Academy?” I’m striking low but he’s cutting things too close, leaving me vulnerable.
He doesn’t rise to the bait, damn him, and keeps talking almost as if I haven’t spoken.
“I think you left because I scare you.”
I throw up all of my mental shields and force a laugh. “Good one, Skywalker…”
He is persistent, drawing a single finger down my arm. “I scare you because I make you feel things and that terrifies you. I’m in love with you and that, Mara Jade, scares you more than anything ever has in your life.”
I open my mouth to retort but he takes matters literally into his own hands, one sliding up and behind my hair, the other to my waist. Before I can think or even blink, he has pulled me forward and is kissing me.
White light bursts behind my eyes at the touch of his lips and the fabric of my dress rustles against him as I push in closer, moving up on my toes to kiss him back. I can’t even think for a moment, lost in the feel of his soft lips and the tips of the hairs at the back of his neck as they tickle my fingers. I don’t even remember wrapping my arms around him, but when he parts my lips with his tongue I accept him into my mouth, the familiar and addictive taste of him wiping any lingering thoughts from my mind. I become a creature of pleasure, cognizant only of the man in my arms.
His lips leave mine and blaze a trail over my jaw and down my neck, and I shiver under the onslaught, digging my nails into the soft cloth of his jacket to force him back up to my mouth. He comes without complaint, kissing me again as only he can, making me forget where we are and why we shouldn’t be doing this.
He pulls back once more and I start to protest, but bite my lip to keep the sound at bay. He shakes his head almost imperceptibly. “Yes, Han?” he says, projecting his voice at someone over my shoulder. My face flushes and I don’t turn, knowing that my lips are swollen and red, matching the flush that is in my cheeks and down over my chest. What the Sith have I been thinking?
Solo’s voice sounds entirely too amused by the entire situation. “Just thought I’d let you kids know that you’re being looked for… Her highness wants to know where her kid brother has gotten off to…”
I groan at Solo’s intentional double entendre. “Cute, Solo,” I mutter. But Luke speaks over me, thanking Han for the warning.
Luke sighs and leans his cheek against my hair. And I want to smack us both. What are we playing at here? I push back. “I’m going to go,” I say and don’t wait for any reply.
I walk away quickly, wiping a hand at my damp mouth. The party is still in full swing but I don’t want that, so I head into the halls of the Imperial Palace, walking forward almost blindly. I don’t feel Skywalker behind me and part of me smarts at that; why can’t the damn man ever fight for me? He always seems to just… give up. I walk aimlessly for a long while, thinking of just how much these halls that were once familiar have changed.
The thought has barely registered in my mind when I hear my name. I look up and there is Luke, standing in the crook of another hallway. I groan. He must have taken the back entrance and doubled around. “What?”
He looks entirely too pleased to see me. “I was just wondering why you were standing outside of my suite.” I look next to me seeing a door that looks as indistinct as all of the others I’ve already passed.
But I don’t miss a beat. “Just hanging around hoping for your autograph, Skywalker.”
He rolls his eyes and I can’t help but think that he stole that move from me. I don’t seem to remember him doing that much before he started spending time around with me.
“Do you want to come in? We could have some caf. Talk.”
“I don’t think so.” I turn to walk back the way I came. “I need to get back--” His hand on my bare arm stops me and I stare straight ahead as he lets his hand drift up my arm to my shoulder, goosebumps rising pleasurably in his wake.
“Please, Mara,” he says, his voice so quiet and deep. “I’ve missed you.”
My heart constricts at those words. I want to tell him that I’ve missed him too, but I have buried that so deeply in the corner of my heart and have told myself that eventually I’ll move past him. I could be content in Karrde’s organization, in my career. Happy, even. I’ve always found happiness in having a certain direction to follow each day, but over the past year that alone hasn’t been enough, not the way it was before. I shouldn’t go into his apartment. It will just make it harder for both of us in the long run.
But I find that I can’t refuse him. I don’t want to leave him on a bad note and there’s no guarantee that I’ll see him again anytime soon. Another year could pass and that makes my heart even heavier.
“Fine,” I answer, turning to see a smile spread across his face.
*
He hands me a cup of caf a few minutes later, as I sit awkwardly on his couch in an apartment that is as bare as his quarters at the Academy had been. He’s removed his jacket and tie and rolled up the shirt sleeves on his crisp white shirt, and I have to forcibly keep my eyes from straying to his strong and lightly tanned forearms. In truth I’m feeling somewhat trapped in here, realizing just how alone we are.
Karrde is probably still making connections in the ballroom, but I ask Luke about Leia.
“It’s fine,” he says with a dismissive gesture. “I spoke to her before I follo… found you.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “No finesse, Skywalker,” I say, regarding his slip. I don’t want to talk to Leia. I can only imagine how angry she is with me, after the time we had spent together on Yavin IV, the conversation we had there.
“I’m still learning,” he says, taking a sip of his own drink. His eyes meet mine over the rim and I notice a change there, like he’s come to some sort of a decision. The look makes me want to bolt before he can start talking about love again. He puts his mug down.
“Well, thanks for the caf--” I start to say, to make my excuses and leave, but he cuts me off again.
“You look beautiful tonight.”
“You’ve already paid me that compliment.”
“Yes.” His eyes drift from my face to my cleavage, his boldness coming out now that we’re in private. He finishes his move from earlier, in the ballroom, reaching out to finger a lock of my hair, his fingers brushing just lightly against the skin of my breast as he picks it up. “But I can’t say it enough. You’re beautiful.”
I pull in a breath at his touch, but otherwise don’t react, realizing that I was right and coming in here is trouble. It’s time to leave. Again.
“I’ve got to go." I put my cup down and start moving toward the door.
He gives me a resigned look that makes my breath ease, realizing that I can leave, that I can do this. I can walk away from him again.
“Fine,” he says. “But… this time… I want to kiss you goodbye.”
My mind immediately flashes back to Yavin IV and how I wouldn’t let him kiss me on the lips before I left. I knew then that if I had, I would never have found the strength to leave him. I think of the kisses we just shared out on the balcony and my heart throbs in my chest. Just one kiss… I can give him that. “One kiss,” I hear myself say faintly, and I want to kick myself for sounding so vulnerable.
“One kiss,” he repeats, his voice gone deep and intimate again.
He steps toward me and I take an involuntary step back until I’m flush against the door. He gives me a sad smile, his eyes so dark in the half-light of the single lamp he lit when we first came in. He leans in and I tilt my head up, meeting him halfway and realize almost immediately that I’m in trouble as he presses against me with a knowing desire.
One kiss is not going to be enough.
*
Our lips meet and part urgently, the idea of this being one kiss lost many long minutes ago when he parted my lips again and gave me his tongue to suck on. He tastes so good that I can’t stop kissing him, even as part of my mind is urging me to get out now before I get hurt. Again.
The wall behind me holds me upright as he continues a pleasurable assault on my senses, one hand in the hair at the nape of my neck and the other at my waist. He pushes close to me, one leg coming to rest in between mine and he rocks forward with his thigh to press against me intimately. I break from his lips to moan as heat floods from me and he deliberately presses against me again.
His hair has fallen down over his eyes and he peers at me through the fringe, looking so handsome that I draw in a deep breath of longing. But his eyes have fallen further to the swell of my breasts, emphasized by the gown and straining now from my excited breaths. He lifts one hand and barely ghosts the line of my cleavage, lifting the stone of my necklace and pulling it from my body.
“I’d have thought you would’ve taken this off by now,” he murmurs, rubbing the stone between his thumb and forefinger.
I lift my chin a little and shake my head slightly in negative. A smile blooms over his face again, but it’s got a wicked turn to the curve of it. Still holding the chain he lowers his head and kisses the small stone before lifting it to my lower lip. I instinctively let my mouth fall open and he begins to trace the line of my lips with the stone, his eyes darkening in the intent. I stand still and barely breathe, unsurprised at a flash of damp heat between my legs at the erotic play.
“I hope you never take it off,” he says raggedly as he finishes tracing my mouth. “Never.”
But he seems to know he’s on dangerous ground and lets the necklace drop, dipping his head to kiss me again. And I am done being passive here. I fist a hand into the hair at the back of his head, positioning him so that I can kiss him the way I want to, the way I’ve dreamed of since I left him all those months ago. It is hot and wet, and when Luke’s hands slam against the door on either side of me I press forward with my hips, seeking the hard need that juts out from his body. I can feel him, even through the fabric of my dress and the feel of it unleashes my need, a flame never extinguished but now coaxed back to life by the only man who could ignite it.
I murmur his name as I break our kiss and he is breathing hard as he drops his head to my neck, sweeping my hair aside and making me shiver and my nipples harden to peaks under my bodice.
He kisses my pulse point and then raises his head to look at me, his eyes so very blue. He doesn’t speak but an unspoken pulse pushes at my mind from deep within the Force, a questioning throb that asks and waits for my answer.
I press against him and push with my body, urging him back, away from the doorway and escape, deeper into his apartment toward his waiting bedroom and the pleasures that will be found there.
As always Luke catches my intention and allows himself to be pushed, but after a moment he turns from his awkward gait and takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers to pull me along.
And there against the side of my hand I feel his thumb brush against my sensitive skin, slowly and deliberately, arousing memories of all the other times he had held my hand this way.
Damn the man for always doing the right thing, for knowing me better than I know myself.
I would almost expect there to be awkwardness when we step over the threshold into his bedroom, but there is not. The ambient light from his landing pad and from the multitude of passing speeders outside the reflective transparisteel gives the room an intimate glow, and the sound of fabric whispering against flesh is almost heightened, unbearably sensual as Luke begins to unbutton his crisp shirt.
“Let me,” I whisper, moving his hands away to take over the task myself. I am no longer thinking of escape. Those thoughts can come later. Right now I want this – him – more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. More than my freedom and that is a revelation to me, but something to be analyzed later. Just now I’ve reached the last button of his shirt, and can see the tanned muscles of his chest. I don’t look up into his eyes but lean as close to him as I can, inhaling the spicy scent of him, so evident now that his shirt is gone.
He twists his arms and the shirt falls to the crook of his elbows, but he seems unconcerned with removing it further as I kiss the center line of his chest, bending slightly to kiss his breast bone. My hands wander around his stomach to the warm skin of his back, still covered by his shirt. I lift a hand to push the shirt off his arms completely and it flutters to the bed, but I pay it no mind as I kiss my way back up to his throat which is working convulsively as I kiss him.
He growls my name, running a hand up my back. He fingers the zipper of my dress and I reach down to remove the belt holding my lightsaber in place. I let it clunk to the floor just as he gets the zipper partially down, peeling the bodice from my upper body. And then his hands are there, pushing it down and off of me. I stand before him in my heels and undergarment, functional but still pretty, and the same color green as the dress had been.
“Beautiful,” he says, looking as if he hasn’t even realized he’s spoken, his eyes on my breasts and the necklace nestled there. He pulls me into another hot kiss, his large hands suddenly everywhere, on my bottom and trailing over my hips up to my breasts and then to my neck and into my hair, cupping my face and kissing me again as if it is the only thing on his mind. I adored that about him when we were together, and my heart throbs out a happy beat to see that I am still the only woman on his mind.
I run my fingers over the waistband of his trousers, unbuckling and removing his belt, too. I trace the heat of him through the pants, deliberately palming him with enough pressure to grind. He breaks from my mouth and growls again and damp heat once more courses through me.
I pop the button on the trousers and dip an eager hand in, pulling the elastic of his underwear away to hold his throbbing need in my hand, so hot and velvety soft. I clench my legs together in remembered pleasure, the memory of our one night overwhelming me and touching off a shared Force memory as Luke’s mind seems to link to mine through our heightened state of awareness.
Luke is quite undone by the waves of need pulsing between us and the proof of it pulses hot in my hand. “No more teasing,” he groans out. “Mara, please…”
And I am just as frantic as he is. I hastily open the back of my undergarment and let it fall to the ground, watching as he removes his boots and the remainder of his clothing in record time. I would laugh at the situation if I weren’t so turned on, swallowing hard as I remember just how handsome he really is.
He grabs me about the waist and we fall to the bed, my shoes still firmly fastened to my feet. But I hardly care as he takes a nipple in his mouth and sucks, the sensation so amazing and right that I scream out when the pleasurable sting of it runs straight to my clit. I arch up beneath him, wrapping my legs high around his waist, the invitation unmistakable. He uses his hand to guide himself in and I whimper as he prods at my opening.
“There’s no going back, Mara,” he says, barely entering me.
My head whips from side to side on the pillow, almost involuntarily. The throbbing need between my legs is the only thing I can think of. He is the only one who can satisfy not only the need but the want.
I want him.
Now.
“No going back,” I say, repeating the pledge as I grab his ass and pull him into me, crying out as he fills me and eases some of the ache.
“Oh, Mara,” he whispers. He curls a lock of my hair around a finger as he hovers above me. “I love you…”
Those words drove me away before, but they spur me on now as I scratch my nails up and down his back. “Then make love to me,” I command.
And he does, pounding into me with a rhythm that has me seeing stars behind my eyes as I clutch his sweaty back. He murmurs words of love into my ear and it spurs me to greater heights as we begin to wrestle across the bed, the give and take between a woman and a man the only level at which we’re communicating. The Force is there, but unneeded just now as we’re finally coming back to tune with one another.
I position myself on top of him, my slick skin sliding against his softly. He grasps my hips and looks up at me wonderingly, as if I am a goddess to worship. I blink back tears. He sees me as someone so beautiful, without the scars that I know are there.
“I’ve missed you… this,” he murmurs, wiping a hand at my tears. That hand wanders down my body, tweaking a nipple and then down further, to the point where we’re connected. “I’ve missed this…” he whispers in that husky voice that sends shivers up my spine. He starts to caress my clit and I can’t stop myself from babbling his name as the pleasure becomes too intense. My eyes close and I keep moving up and down, up and down, the entire galaxy narrowing to the two of us in this room, to only sex and heat and Luke Skywalker driving me out of my mind…
I scream as I ride him to completion, reveling in his hoarse shout right behind me. The Force comes back into play, coalescing and binding us together in heated white light that washes over us in euphoric release. Moaning, I fall forward and collapse onto Luke’s chest, gasping for breath.
Luke runs a hand over my back, gulping huge breaths of air. I entwine my fingers with his on his chest and think myself crazy for ever running away from this.
“I love you,” he murmurs through his gasping breaths. “So damn much.”
The hot tears are there at the backs of my eyes again, but I kiss his chest and listen to his heart as it resumes a normal rhythm. There is still so much for us to say, for me to say, but at the moment I think I’m right where I’m meant to be.
Author: ginchy
Disclaimer: I don’t own Luke or Mara, or any of the situations. Just letting my favorite characters have some much deserved fun.
Rating: NC-17
Time Period: AU NR
Genre: Romance, First Person POV
Notes: This is an authorized ginchy-shine of JediMara77’s "I, Mara Jade". This is an AU of chapter 18, where L/M do more than just dance together at the ball. The first lines (in italics) are JM77's.
"Why do you care, anyway?" Luke snaps, even angrier than before. "You're not there. You left."
"Yeah, I did," I sigh. "That doesn't mean that I don't care about what you're doing with the Jedi Order."
"Could have fooled me," Luke says, and I have to keep myself from cringing at him. I don’t feel like doing this with him, not now. I break from his embrace and walk from the dance floor, but of course he follows me.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” I say coolly over my shoulder.
“That was never my intention. I apologize.” He looks so sincere that I can’t help but smile. The couples are still swaying on the floor around us and suddenly all I want is a moment away from the crowd. I haven’t seen Luke in so long and can’t let him have the wrong idea, but being in his arms again just now felt so good, I’m not ready to leave him just yet.
“Do you want to go out on the balcony?” he asks me then, cutting into my thoughts and it’s almost as if he’s read my mind. I stare at him, trying to discern if perhaps he actually has read my thoughts but shrug, knowing that I’ll never know if he did or not.
“Sure, Skywalker,” I say, ignoring the butterflies suddenly fluttering in my stomach. “Let’s go.”
*
Luke slipped out the double balcony doors before me while I took the long way around to another set of doors, in order to keep an eye on Karrde and Leia. I don’t want either of them to see me. I’m only going out on the balcony to talk to Luke, but still—I don’t want to deal with any annoying ‘knowing’ gazes or heated looks of disgust.
He’s leaning against the ledge when I come out, staring up at the passing speeders in the distance. Night has fallen and tiny lights twinkle in the decorative shrubbery around us, hidden speakers piping out a softened tone of the melody that plays inside. We’re surprisingly alone out here, but it probably won’t last for long.
I stand near him and mimic his pose, leaning against the stone and turning to look at him. He looks wonderful in profile and I find myself assaulted with images of our lone night together, how his face had contorted with pleasure when I had kissed my way down his body, the small groans of pleasure that had puffed out of his lips when I had wrapped my hand around his erection for the first time. I bite my lip to keep an excited breath from escaping. Even after all these months the thought of that night incites me to shiver and plays over the backs of my eyelids nightly.
I find myself wondering if he remembers the night as I do.
His eyes turn and meet mine then and something electric sparks between us, without even a touch. He steps closer to me until there is only a hands-breadth between us, but I don’t move back as his scent washes over me and I am again reminded of clutching his back and moaning into his ear as he pushed fervently into me. I’ve missed more than his love, friendship, and personality over this past year, I have also missed the body that I so briefly got to know. I find that I can’t quite remember the shape of his navel or the taste of the inside of his thigh and shake my head at the fanciful thoughts.
I’m not worthy of his love and I have to remember that.
“I’ve rehearsed this moment many times in my head,” he says, breaking the silence that has built between us. I give him a questioning look even though I know where he’s headed with this. “Rehearsed what I would say to you, ask of you, if we met up tonight. I wanted to seem detached, unhurt by your leaving. I didn’t want to ply you with questions and scare you off.”
“And now--?”
He sighs. “And now—none of it matters.” His hand comes up to cup my face and I stare at him, shocked that he is doing this. “I miss you, Mara. So much.”
Part of me wants nothing more than to tell him how much I’ve missed him, too, but I have my resolve and I cannot let it break. He’s better off without me, even if he doesn’t realize it. But I don’t want to hurt him any more than he’s already hurting. Damn the man for putting me in this situation and for staring at me with captivating blue eyes that make me want things I can’t have.
“It’s better this way.” I force myself to move back, feeling bereft of the warmth of his hand as the wind passes over my cheek.
“Why?”
He asks the question so quietly that for a moment I think imagine it. Why did I leave? Why is it better? I can’t tell him these things. Deep down he already knows the answer to his question.
“I told you why when I left,” I say instead, and those things had been partially true. I wasn’t advancing as I wanted to because I didn’t feel I deserved to be a Jedi. Being a Jedi and being with Luke, those two things go hand in hand. I can’t have one without the other.
“You told me a lie,” he says, advancing on me again. I look toward the balcony doors, wondering why no one else has come out to join us yet. It’s just my luck that tonight everyone decides the ballroom is the place to be.
“I did not lie to you,” I say automatically. I omitted.
“You did,” he says, invading my personal space again. “I’ve been thinking about it, Mara, and I know why you left…. And why you won’t come back.”
I glare up at him. “If you know so much, Master Jedi, why can’t you figure out how to run your Academy?” I’m striking low but he’s cutting things too close, leaving me vulnerable.
He doesn’t rise to the bait, damn him, and keeps talking almost as if I haven’t spoken.
“I think you left because I scare you.”
I throw up all of my mental shields and force a laugh. “Good one, Skywalker…”
He is persistent, drawing a single finger down my arm. “I scare you because I make you feel things and that terrifies you. I’m in love with you and that, Mara Jade, scares you more than anything ever has in your life.”
I open my mouth to retort but he takes matters literally into his own hands, one sliding up and behind my hair, the other to my waist. Before I can think or even blink, he has pulled me forward and is kissing me.
White light bursts behind my eyes at the touch of his lips and the fabric of my dress rustles against him as I push in closer, moving up on my toes to kiss him back. I can’t even think for a moment, lost in the feel of his soft lips and the tips of the hairs at the back of his neck as they tickle my fingers. I don’t even remember wrapping my arms around him, but when he parts my lips with his tongue I accept him into my mouth, the familiar and addictive taste of him wiping any lingering thoughts from my mind. I become a creature of pleasure, cognizant only of the man in my arms.
His lips leave mine and blaze a trail over my jaw and down my neck, and I shiver under the onslaught, digging my nails into the soft cloth of his jacket to force him back up to my mouth. He comes without complaint, kissing me again as only he can, making me forget where we are and why we shouldn’t be doing this.
He pulls back once more and I start to protest, but bite my lip to keep the sound at bay. He shakes his head almost imperceptibly. “Yes, Han?” he says, projecting his voice at someone over my shoulder. My face flushes and I don’t turn, knowing that my lips are swollen and red, matching the flush that is in my cheeks and down over my chest. What the Sith have I been thinking?
Solo’s voice sounds entirely too amused by the entire situation. “Just thought I’d let you kids know that you’re being looked for… Her highness wants to know where her kid brother has gotten off to…”
I groan at Solo’s intentional double entendre. “Cute, Solo,” I mutter. But Luke speaks over me, thanking Han for the warning.
Luke sighs and leans his cheek against my hair. And I want to smack us both. What are we playing at here? I push back. “I’m going to go,” I say and don’t wait for any reply.
I walk away quickly, wiping a hand at my damp mouth. The party is still in full swing but I don’t want that, so I head into the halls of the Imperial Palace, walking forward almost blindly. I don’t feel Skywalker behind me and part of me smarts at that; why can’t the damn man ever fight for me? He always seems to just… give up. I walk aimlessly for a long while, thinking of just how much these halls that were once familiar have changed.
The thought has barely registered in my mind when I hear my name. I look up and there is Luke, standing in the crook of another hallway. I groan. He must have taken the back entrance and doubled around. “What?”
He looks entirely too pleased to see me. “I was just wondering why you were standing outside of my suite.” I look next to me seeing a door that looks as indistinct as all of the others I’ve already passed.
But I don’t miss a beat. “Just hanging around hoping for your autograph, Skywalker.”
He rolls his eyes and I can’t help but think that he stole that move from me. I don’t seem to remember him doing that much before he started spending time around with me.
“Do you want to come in? We could have some caf. Talk.”
“I don’t think so.” I turn to walk back the way I came. “I need to get back--” His hand on my bare arm stops me and I stare straight ahead as he lets his hand drift up my arm to my shoulder, goosebumps rising pleasurably in his wake.
“Please, Mara,” he says, his voice so quiet and deep. “I’ve missed you.”
My heart constricts at those words. I want to tell him that I’ve missed him too, but I have buried that so deeply in the corner of my heart and have told myself that eventually I’ll move past him. I could be content in Karrde’s organization, in my career. Happy, even. I’ve always found happiness in having a certain direction to follow each day, but over the past year that alone hasn’t been enough, not the way it was before. I shouldn’t go into his apartment. It will just make it harder for both of us in the long run.
But I find that I can’t refuse him. I don’t want to leave him on a bad note and there’s no guarantee that I’ll see him again anytime soon. Another year could pass and that makes my heart even heavier.
“Fine,” I answer, turning to see a smile spread across his face.
*
He hands me a cup of caf a few minutes later, as I sit awkwardly on his couch in an apartment that is as bare as his quarters at the Academy had been. He’s removed his jacket and tie and rolled up the shirt sleeves on his crisp white shirt, and I have to forcibly keep my eyes from straying to his strong and lightly tanned forearms. In truth I’m feeling somewhat trapped in here, realizing just how alone we are.
Karrde is probably still making connections in the ballroom, but I ask Luke about Leia.
“It’s fine,” he says with a dismissive gesture. “I spoke to her before I follo… found you.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “No finesse, Skywalker,” I say, regarding his slip. I don’t want to talk to Leia. I can only imagine how angry she is with me, after the time we had spent together on Yavin IV, the conversation we had there.
“I’m still learning,” he says, taking a sip of his own drink. His eyes meet mine over the rim and I notice a change there, like he’s come to some sort of a decision. The look makes me want to bolt before he can start talking about love again. He puts his mug down.
“Well, thanks for the caf--” I start to say, to make my excuses and leave, but he cuts me off again.
“You look beautiful tonight.”
“You’ve already paid me that compliment.”
“Yes.” His eyes drift from my face to my cleavage, his boldness coming out now that we’re in private. He finishes his move from earlier, in the ballroom, reaching out to finger a lock of my hair, his fingers brushing just lightly against the skin of my breast as he picks it up. “But I can’t say it enough. You’re beautiful.”
I pull in a breath at his touch, but otherwise don’t react, realizing that I was right and coming in here is trouble. It’s time to leave. Again.
“I’ve got to go." I put my cup down and start moving toward the door.
He gives me a resigned look that makes my breath ease, realizing that I can leave, that I can do this. I can walk away from him again.
“Fine,” he says. “But… this time… I want to kiss you goodbye.”
My mind immediately flashes back to Yavin IV and how I wouldn’t let him kiss me on the lips before I left. I knew then that if I had, I would never have found the strength to leave him. I think of the kisses we just shared out on the balcony and my heart throbs in my chest. Just one kiss… I can give him that. “One kiss,” I hear myself say faintly, and I want to kick myself for sounding so vulnerable.
“One kiss,” he repeats, his voice gone deep and intimate again.
He steps toward me and I take an involuntary step back until I’m flush against the door. He gives me a sad smile, his eyes so dark in the half-light of the single lamp he lit when we first came in. He leans in and I tilt my head up, meeting him halfway and realize almost immediately that I’m in trouble as he presses against me with a knowing desire.
One kiss is not going to be enough.
*
Our lips meet and part urgently, the idea of this being one kiss lost many long minutes ago when he parted my lips again and gave me his tongue to suck on. He tastes so good that I can’t stop kissing him, even as part of my mind is urging me to get out now before I get hurt. Again.
The wall behind me holds me upright as he continues a pleasurable assault on my senses, one hand in the hair at the nape of my neck and the other at my waist. He pushes close to me, one leg coming to rest in between mine and he rocks forward with his thigh to press against me intimately. I break from his lips to moan as heat floods from me and he deliberately presses against me again.
His hair has fallen down over his eyes and he peers at me through the fringe, looking so handsome that I draw in a deep breath of longing. But his eyes have fallen further to the swell of my breasts, emphasized by the gown and straining now from my excited breaths. He lifts one hand and barely ghosts the line of my cleavage, lifting the stone of my necklace and pulling it from my body.
“I’d have thought you would’ve taken this off by now,” he murmurs, rubbing the stone between his thumb and forefinger.
I lift my chin a little and shake my head slightly in negative. A smile blooms over his face again, but it’s got a wicked turn to the curve of it. Still holding the chain he lowers his head and kisses the small stone before lifting it to my lower lip. I instinctively let my mouth fall open and he begins to trace the line of my lips with the stone, his eyes darkening in the intent. I stand still and barely breathe, unsurprised at a flash of damp heat between my legs at the erotic play.
“I hope you never take it off,” he says raggedly as he finishes tracing my mouth. “Never.”
But he seems to know he’s on dangerous ground and lets the necklace drop, dipping his head to kiss me again. And I am done being passive here. I fist a hand into the hair at the back of his head, positioning him so that I can kiss him the way I want to, the way I’ve dreamed of since I left him all those months ago. It is hot and wet, and when Luke’s hands slam against the door on either side of me I press forward with my hips, seeking the hard need that juts out from his body. I can feel him, even through the fabric of my dress and the feel of it unleashes my need, a flame never extinguished but now coaxed back to life by the only man who could ignite it.
I murmur his name as I break our kiss and he is breathing hard as he drops his head to my neck, sweeping my hair aside and making me shiver and my nipples harden to peaks under my bodice.
He kisses my pulse point and then raises his head to look at me, his eyes so very blue. He doesn’t speak but an unspoken pulse pushes at my mind from deep within the Force, a questioning throb that asks and waits for my answer.
I press against him and push with my body, urging him back, away from the doorway and escape, deeper into his apartment toward his waiting bedroom and the pleasures that will be found there.
As always Luke catches my intention and allows himself to be pushed, but after a moment he turns from his awkward gait and takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers to pull me along.
And there against the side of my hand I feel his thumb brush against my sensitive skin, slowly and deliberately, arousing memories of all the other times he had held my hand this way.
Damn the man for always doing the right thing, for knowing me better than I know myself.
I would almost expect there to be awkwardness when we step over the threshold into his bedroom, but there is not. The ambient light from his landing pad and from the multitude of passing speeders outside the reflective transparisteel gives the room an intimate glow, and the sound of fabric whispering against flesh is almost heightened, unbearably sensual as Luke begins to unbutton his crisp shirt.
“Let me,” I whisper, moving his hands away to take over the task myself. I am no longer thinking of escape. Those thoughts can come later. Right now I want this – him – more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. More than my freedom and that is a revelation to me, but something to be analyzed later. Just now I’ve reached the last button of his shirt, and can see the tanned muscles of his chest. I don’t look up into his eyes but lean as close to him as I can, inhaling the spicy scent of him, so evident now that his shirt is gone.
He twists his arms and the shirt falls to the crook of his elbows, but he seems unconcerned with removing it further as I kiss the center line of his chest, bending slightly to kiss his breast bone. My hands wander around his stomach to the warm skin of his back, still covered by his shirt. I lift a hand to push the shirt off his arms completely and it flutters to the bed, but I pay it no mind as I kiss my way back up to his throat which is working convulsively as I kiss him.
He growls my name, running a hand up my back. He fingers the zipper of my dress and I reach down to remove the belt holding my lightsaber in place. I let it clunk to the floor just as he gets the zipper partially down, peeling the bodice from my upper body. And then his hands are there, pushing it down and off of me. I stand before him in my heels and undergarment, functional but still pretty, and the same color green as the dress had been.
“Beautiful,” he says, looking as if he hasn’t even realized he’s spoken, his eyes on my breasts and the necklace nestled there. He pulls me into another hot kiss, his large hands suddenly everywhere, on my bottom and trailing over my hips up to my breasts and then to my neck and into my hair, cupping my face and kissing me again as if it is the only thing on his mind. I adored that about him when we were together, and my heart throbs out a happy beat to see that I am still the only woman on his mind.
I run my fingers over the waistband of his trousers, unbuckling and removing his belt, too. I trace the heat of him through the pants, deliberately palming him with enough pressure to grind. He breaks from my mouth and growls again and damp heat once more courses through me.
I pop the button on the trousers and dip an eager hand in, pulling the elastic of his underwear away to hold his throbbing need in my hand, so hot and velvety soft. I clench my legs together in remembered pleasure, the memory of our one night overwhelming me and touching off a shared Force memory as Luke’s mind seems to link to mine through our heightened state of awareness.
Luke is quite undone by the waves of need pulsing between us and the proof of it pulses hot in my hand. “No more teasing,” he groans out. “Mara, please…”
And I am just as frantic as he is. I hastily open the back of my undergarment and let it fall to the ground, watching as he removes his boots and the remainder of his clothing in record time. I would laugh at the situation if I weren’t so turned on, swallowing hard as I remember just how handsome he really is.
He grabs me about the waist and we fall to the bed, my shoes still firmly fastened to my feet. But I hardly care as he takes a nipple in his mouth and sucks, the sensation so amazing and right that I scream out when the pleasurable sting of it runs straight to my clit. I arch up beneath him, wrapping my legs high around his waist, the invitation unmistakable. He uses his hand to guide himself in and I whimper as he prods at my opening.
“There’s no going back, Mara,” he says, barely entering me.
My head whips from side to side on the pillow, almost involuntarily. The throbbing need between my legs is the only thing I can think of. He is the only one who can satisfy not only the need but the want.
I want him.
Now.
“No going back,” I say, repeating the pledge as I grab his ass and pull him into me, crying out as he fills me and eases some of the ache.
“Oh, Mara,” he whispers. He curls a lock of my hair around a finger as he hovers above me. “I love you…”
Those words drove me away before, but they spur me on now as I scratch my nails up and down his back. “Then make love to me,” I command.
And he does, pounding into me with a rhythm that has me seeing stars behind my eyes as I clutch his sweaty back. He murmurs words of love into my ear and it spurs me to greater heights as we begin to wrestle across the bed, the give and take between a woman and a man the only level at which we’re communicating. The Force is there, but unneeded just now as we’re finally coming back to tune with one another.
I position myself on top of him, my slick skin sliding against his softly. He grasps my hips and looks up at me wonderingly, as if I am a goddess to worship. I blink back tears. He sees me as someone so beautiful, without the scars that I know are there.
“I’ve missed you… this,” he murmurs, wiping a hand at my tears. That hand wanders down my body, tweaking a nipple and then down further, to the point where we’re connected. “I’ve missed this…” he whispers in that husky voice that sends shivers up my spine. He starts to caress my clit and I can’t stop myself from babbling his name as the pleasure becomes too intense. My eyes close and I keep moving up and down, up and down, the entire galaxy narrowing to the two of us in this room, to only sex and heat and Luke Skywalker driving me out of my mind…
I scream as I ride him to completion, reveling in his hoarse shout right behind me. The Force comes back into play, coalescing and binding us together in heated white light that washes over us in euphoric release. Moaning, I fall forward and collapse onto Luke’s chest, gasping for breath.
Luke runs a hand over my back, gulping huge breaths of air. I entwine my fingers with his on his chest and think myself crazy for ever running away from this.
“I love you,” he murmurs through his gasping breaths. “So damn much.”
The hot tears are there at the backs of my eyes again, but I kiss his chest and listen to his heart as it resumes a normal rhythm. There is still so much for us to say, for me to say, but at the moment I think I’m right where I’m meant to be.
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Date: 2011-12-17 03:32 pm (UTC)And you know I love this fic. So damn much. ;) <3